Deadline #2, HW#7 Grammar Assignment

This is off a report I wrote for Arizona State University Parking and Transit in regards to the 2008 Football Season.
The new tailgating policy that was implemented at the beginning of the season was well drawn out on paper, but lacked the personnel to enforce it. These policies were put in place to protect the public from unnecessary harm. Enforcing these policies were difficult due to the lack of contracted security and law enforcement. It it difficult for a group of 50-60 contracted security and law enforcement officers to patrol such a large area and enforce these policies. There are many factors contributing to this; patrons do not listen to contracted security, law enforcement feels it is not their duty to enforce these policies and A.S.U. has no set punishment for breaking these policies.
For these policies to have any type of effect, we as a group (ASUAOF, ASUPTS, Tempe PD, Sun Angel Club and Professional Event Management) must come together and agree what we will enforce, to what extent we will enforce it and punishment for not adhering to policies set by Arizona State. Without any type of solution, we will not only frustrate ourselves by not being able to fairly enforce these policies, but also frustrate the patrons that are being told different policies game to game. This needs to be taken care of as soon as possible, while the season is still fresh in our memory.

I focused on not repeating myself and how i started my sentences. With the crowd that this is going to, I needed to be quick and to the point. Many of these people do not have the time to sit down and read a 4 page report as their time is limited. I utilized the http://www.dailywritingtips.com/ site for run on sentences. This site helped me distinguish writing styles from story-telling. It helped me realize I am trying to get a point across, not tell them how the parking went. I also went on http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/ to help with sentence clarity. I know that I have the habit of rambling on and reading about basic writing skills helped me tighten up my paper making it a better read.

The new tailgating policy that was implemented at the beginning of the season was well drawn out on paper, but lacked the personnel to enforce it. These policies were put in place to protect the public from unnecessary harm. These policies were difficult due to the lack of contracted security and law enforcement. It it difficult for a group of 50-60 officers to patrol such a large area. There are many factors contributing to this; patrons do not listen to contracted security, law enforcement feels it is not their duty to enforce these policies and A.S.U. has no set punishment for breaking these policies.
For these policies to have any type of effect, we as a group (ASUAOF, ASUPTS, Tempe PD, Sun Angel Club and Professional Event Management) must come together and agree what we will enforce, to what extent we will enforce it and punishment for not adhering to policies set by Arizona State. Without any type of solution, we will not only frustrate ourselves, but also frustrate the patrons that are being told different policies game to game. This needs to be taken care of as soon as possible, while the season is still fresh in our memory.

This exercise helped me realize that I can still get my point across without being so long winded. There were phrases in the paragraphs that repeated themselves and once I removed them the paragraphs ran smoother and still go the information across.